Embrace the Unknown

 Merry Christmas Eve my friends!!  My oh my what a year it has been. I can say confidently that 2020 has been the weirdest year of my whole life. I told a friend last night that it’s uncanny to me to think that the entirety of humanity has experienced a year full of turmoil and upheaval and of loss and of pain right alongside each other. I’ve never in my life seen anything like this. I’m certain you haven’t either!

Each year I start thinking around Thanksgiving about my Christmas Eve post. This is year #8 that I’m writing one!  I ask the Lord for a word...a thought...to then let my writing mind go to work. This year I realized that God has been whispering something all year long to me...”Rachel...WAIT AND SEE!”

In a year filled with chaos and confusion. In a year even for our own little family of big changes, tough and overwhelming choices, frustration, compounding unknowns...He tells me “Rachel...WAIT AND SEE!”  I’m not gonna lie...when you feel as though you’re in a pressure cooker environment and your “decision making muscle” is spent and weak, being told to WAIT is just not really what you want to hear...

But our God works so well within our unknowns doesn’t He? He excels within the mystery. He doesn’t require our understanding and He certainly doesn’t require our approval of His plans before He marches right on through with them. He doesn’t ask us what we think...He doesn’t wait until we are “ready”. He says “Child you have no idea. Just sit back and trust me...I’m gonna give you every next step...just WAIT AND SEE!”

And when I think about what His coming to earth was like...it follows that pattern to a T. 400 years of the Jews waiting for the Messiah. Not a word, so it seemed, from God about His coming. And then one night Gabriel shows up to this simple girl, then follows up with a visit to her betrothed, and then out He came in the simplest place, to the simplest people, in the simplest way. The Son of God!!  Right in the midst of “unknowns”, of “less than ideal”, of “chaos”, of “confusion”, of “the worst case scenario”. He showed up and did exactly what He said He would do...

Can you imagine what Mary must’ve been thinking?  When all this time she is carrying Jesus...knowing who she was carrying...and when the time comes to deliver Him, God says “Hey that barn over there looks like the perfect spot!” As a mama myself I can imagine she thought, “God what in the WORLD are you doing???  I can’t deliver ANY baby in the floor of a barn...much less YOU!!” But it happened...just as He wanted it to happen...and all along it was part of His perfect plan...

The saying goes that the odds of Jesus fulfilling every single prophesy written in the Old Testament (all 16 of them) would be akin to gathering 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 silver dollars (which would more than cover the state of Texas) and asking a blind man to walk out and pick the one marked silver dollar on the first try with no help. Impossible. But God did it with Jesus!  He did the impossible just as He said He would. And humanity just sat back scratching its head thinking, “This can’t be real...”. In some ways, isn’t humanity still saying that about Jesus??  

But we serve a God who does the “impossible”. He tells us that with Him ALL things are possible. He tells us His plans are for GOOD and not to harm us. To give us hope and a future. He tells us that He makes springs bubble up in dry wastelands, He gives dead things LIFE, He makes a way through the wilderness, He opens the sea, He moves mountains!  And our role in all that?  WAIT AND SEE WHAT I WILL DO!!  

Our action point? Prayer. Prayer isn’t treating God like a genie in a bottle...asking for this that or the other and promising good behavior to get it. Prayer is a relationship. A joining with God as HE accomplishes His plans...a getting on His wavelength so that you can SEE the marvelous things He’s done and is doing. Without prayer...we miss it. Without prayer, we are the Bethlehem villagers asleep in their homes on the night Jesus was born...completely unaware of the miracle God has performed right under our noses! God moves and works and doesn’t need our “participation” to make His purposes happen...what He asks for is a relationship built on TRUST...

So this year...as we see the strangest year in history come to a close...I challenge you to WAIT AND SEE. Commit yourself to prayer and pondering on God’s Word. WAIT AND SEE how He will take all this chaos and confusion and STILL accomplish His purpose. WAIT AND SEE how He makes all things work together for our good...even the awful, heartbreaking, painful stuff. He Himself IS love, IS good, IS holiness. And He only asks us for a willingness to be still and KNOW that HE alone is God and He is sovereign, righteous, and perfect...

Merry Christmas y’all. Embrace the unknowns and find God within them...

The Birth Story of Dakota Mitchell and Deacon Paul

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I shocked myself with how well I was feeling. My belly was growing, but it was WAY more manageable than I was expecting with twins. My energy level, once I made it out the first trimester, was good, and I was able to keep up with my normal pace (for the most part) until about 31-32 weeks. I had been having perinatologist appointments throughout the pregnancy and the boys were measuring perfectly and their movement and development was right on track. At around 32 weeks, my sweet friend Angela (who owns The Nest OKC 4D), gave me a quick scan in her home. We had been doing some crazy acrobatics to try and get baby Dakota to move head down and we were hoping he had finally taken the hint. No such luck upon that scan, but she noticed that while Deacon had been the smaller twin from the outset, the size differentiation seemed to have widened quite a bit and he was measuring a little behind schedule. We chalked it up to difficulty in measuring with twins, and I started wrapping my mind around the possibility of a c section. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I wanted healthy babies and that’s what mattered more...

Later the next week, at 33 weeks, I had a perinatologist appointment where they did what’s called a Non Stress Test. They hooked me up to monitors for each of the babies and measured accelerations and decelerations in their heart rates upon contractions. All was normal on that test. During my scan, however, the tech didn’t say much. She got what measurements she could and did cord blood flow studies and placental measurements and then she left. When Dr. Mirabile came in he was a little worried sounding (which totally freaked me out). He said they were worried about Deacon’s size and his cord seemed to be possibly compressed (NOT good). He recommended steroid shots to develop the boys’ lungs and he said “I’m going to give the cord a look myself here, but I’ll just let you know I’m going to let Dr. Brunnabend (my OB) know that I’m recommending delivery no later than 36 weeks”. Upon his scan, the cord was fine and he was much less worried. I went home after a shot in the butt of steroids, came back the next day for a second one, and went about my week...

The next Thursday, at 34 weeks 3 days, I went in for another scan. This time, during the NST, Deacon was what they called “non responsive”. His heart rate was fine, but I was having fairly regular contractions and they weren’t seeing the accelerations and decelerations in his heart rate that they needed to see. And then in I went for my scan. This time, Deacon had hardly grown at all (0.2 oz in a week), and that cord was giving them issues again. So enter Dr. Mirabile and this time, he was very matter of fact, but optimistic. He said “Well we made the right decision with the steroids last week Mama...I think we may be looking at delivery this weekend” 😳😳😳. He was unhappy with Deacon’s growth and increasingly worried about placental profusion (room enough for the placenta to circulate like Deacon needed it to) and cord compression as the “room in the womb” was decreasing daily. Panic mode set in. I’m texting Jonathan and our doula Brandy and trying not to totally lose it. Dr. Mirabile called Dr. Brunnabend and I immediately went across the street to see her...

The consensus was that pushing me closer to 36 weeks to try and avoid a NICU stay was more than likely just playing with fire. It wasn’t going to get to Deacon any chunkier and it would just put him at more risk. And ultimately it might even mean a longer NICU stay than if we delivered a little earlier than we expected because he was beginning to show minor signs of distress.  We defaulted to Dr. Brunnabend’s best judgment and I’m so glad that we did. It looked like Saturday was going to be t he moment of truth.  March 2nd, 2019 at 34 weeks and 5 days along.  After meeting with Dr. B, we met up with Brandy. She gave us some real talk about what to expect from the NICU and she listened to me cry as I kind of mourned the fact that everything I hoped wouldn’t happen (a c section earlier than 36 weeks and a NICU stay) was all going to play out. She wrapped her arms around me and said “You’re strong Mama. You’ve got this. It’s going to be great!”

We had Friday to rush around and finish our huge to do list that we thought we had a few more weeks to complete. We got it all done and got to bed super late, and were up before the sun to head to the hospital. We got checked in at 5:00 and put into the room we would be living in for the next 4 nights…

We loved how personal Mercy made things. Even though the babies never slept in this room with us, every nurse we had knew their names!

Dakota’s heart rate monitor 

Deacon’s heart rate monitor

By this point we had been checked in for a little over an hour and I had been having pretty regular  contractions every 4-6 minutes. Even if this hadn’t been a last minute change of plans, these boys would have most likely made their debut within a few days anyway...

I started feeling pretty nervous. It was comforting to hear their heartbeats strong and steady. I felt better seeing them roll around in my belly...feeling Dakota stretch against my hip bones and Deacon kick me in the diaphragm. But my mind was my worst enemy. I was so terrified about that C section! Throughout my pregnancy, my nerves would mount often and frequently put me in a panic. So Jonathan, being the sweet and thoughtful husband he is, recorded his voice (which has always been SO soothing to me) walking me through a hypnobirthing script. In the hospital that morning he set me up with my recording, got me comfortable, and sat next to me while I sunk into the sound of his voice and relaxed into the moment...

When my eyes opened, my doula Brandy had arrived as well as our pastor Ryan. I felt peaceful and calm. Not long after that, Dr. Brunnabend arrived to give us the skinny and it was basically go time. So Jonathan scooped Greysen up and put him in my arms. That moment was WAY harder than I had anticipated. It has just been me and Greysen for almost 4 years, and the thought of having to give away some of the attention to two new babies kind of gutted me in the moment. But I will always cherish those last few moments of him as an only child. My love for him has only grown since he’s become a big brother...

Then it was time to unhook me from the monitors and head into the OR. Ryan prayed over our family and over Deacon and Dakota. Greysen had fallen asleep in my arms and stayed peacefully sleeping while we handed  him over to Charlie. I swear my belly couldn’t have contained the babies getting any bigger!  Once the monitors came off, my body started contracting pretty intensely. On all accounts, these babies were ready to come. 34 weeks, 5 days...they were ready for their debut!  I’ll let the following pictures tell the story of their epic arrival...

Wow what a belly! 😳

Getting SUPER nervous now...

Giant belly!  And also the face you make when it feels like someone literally body snatched you. Such a WEIRD feeling!

They finally let Jonathan in the OR so I relaxed a lot. Still SUPER nervous because once that spinal was placed I couldn’t feel the boys moving anymore...

Here is the minute I heard Dr. Brunnabend say “Baby Dakota is almost out Mama!”

Seeing my sweet Kota Bear for the first time!

Dakota Mitchell Womack 

6 lbs 6 oz

18” long

8:36 AM

Me meeting Dakota for the first time. How BADLY I wanted to hold him and snuggle him!  But Deacon was on his way out!

Deacon was the whole reason we delivered early. We knew he was tiny but I worried about him basically the whole pregnancy. This is my face when Dr. B said it was Deacon’s turn to come out. Nervously excited. So so very worried about my little man...

And that tiny little baby boy shocked us all!  Dr. B had to practically dig him out of my ribs. But he screamed like a banshee from second #1!  He was TINY but I knew the minute I saw him that I didn’t need to worry about him. He was resilient and strong and I knew he was an odds beater...

Deacon Paul Womack

3 lbs 7 oz

17” long

8:37 AM

Meeting my sweet Deacon Paul for the first time. He was so teeny!

Daddy keeping watch over his babies and me

Headed to the NICU first with Deacon and Dakota not far behind. I had to stay behind in the OR and I wanted Jonathan to go with the babies. Brandy tagged in and sat with me in the OR while they closed me up and got me ready to go to recovery. She mama beared the situation and made the nurses give me Dakota to hold. 

My stack of hospital bracelets that I wore for almost a month. One for each precious miracle that had just left my body...

Deacons teeny feet

Getting ready to meet big brother!  Greysen was SO excited to meet his babies and he still talks about “seeing them in their rolling  boxes”

Daddy coming in to tell me that the boys were doing great. Brandy by my side. 

Big brother worried about Mommy but SO excited to be a big brother!!

And then there were 5!  The next 3-4 weeks are blurry for me. I have lots of pictures which helps jog my memories. But 6 days in the NICU for Kota and 17 for Deacon. Those days were some of the most difficult days, but also so beautifully intimate and sweet. We became twin parents on March 2, 2019 and it is clear to me now that we were MADE for this. This was always supposed  to be part of our story! God is good all the time and He has richly blessed us with our boys...

Happy Birthday Deacon and Dakota!  My how the world changed when you came into it!  And I have no doubt you will spend your lives making this place a little better and a little sweeter with each passing day. You are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made my precious angels!